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“In the same boat. How to stop quarreling over parenting and become a friendly parent team“
Description
We moms:
We get angry when daddy is rude to the child, when he doesn't realize that the child is not able to "not whine and obey silently".
We are very hurt that daddy's words will remain in the child's memory, that he will then repeat to himself what a foolish and wrong person he is. It hurts us for the child's feeling of humiliation, worthlessness, fear of the big and strong.
We feel powerless: we explained to him this way and that way, that a five-year-old is not able to regulate his emotions, if even you, at 35, are not capable of it. He may even agree. But at the acute moment - everything repeats.
After that, it's hard for a woman to trust and be affectionate with her husband like nothing happened.
We are sad that we cannot raise a child in harmony with his father, because this is a very important dream of ours.
We are afraid of losing the child's trust. We are afraid that parents will not be a support for him, but adults, who the less they know, the better they sleep. And he will not turn to his parents in a difficult or slippery moment. And there's adolescence ahead....
Dads
in these fights feel misunderstood, abandoned, judged and alone.
They don't want to be made out to be perverts when they are just trying to raise their child to be a decent human being. They feel like their wife is teaming up with their child against them.
As a rule, the relationship with their children is genuinely important to them, and they care deeply when things don't work out as hoped.
What about the children?
Children tend to blame themselves for their parents' conflicts, even if the conflict has nothing to do with them. It is no coincidence that children tend to blame themselves, even if the conflict has nothing to do with them.
When parents fight over a child, the child feels guilty. And he's scared. His world is shaky. At the same time, the child learns to maneuver: if daddy didn't allow it, I'll go and ask mom.
As children grow up, the situation becomes more complicated: differences in approach to upbringing become more acute, and the price of conflicts becomes higher.
Yana Kataeva School
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